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Title: A Star Wars Fable - The Real Reason (Anakin Went Over To The Dark Side)
Author: heartofslash
Fandom/Pairing: Star Wars with a strong Kingdom of Heaven reference.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I’m pretty sure George Lucas would put a contract out on me if he knew about this. Please don’t tell him I borrowed his universe.
A Star Wars Fable - The Real Reason (Anakin Went Over To The Dark Side)
“Yes, master?” (solicitously)
“Anakin, we need to talk about your future.” (firmly)
“Future, master?” (shiftily)
“It appears, my young padawan, that you’ve been flirting with the other team.” (uncomfortably)
“Not true! I’m married to Padme– I sleep with her and everything!” (defensively)
“Not that other team. I mean, you know, the ‘dark side’.” (reluctantly)
“Well, Darth Sidious has promised me unlimited powers.” (arrogantly)
“Nonsense! Only the Jedi can offer you true unlimited powers.” (sternly)
“Jedi are wimps.” (dismissively)
“Are not.” (protectively)
“Are too. Darth Maul kicked Qui-Gon Jinn’s ass.” (smugly)
“Now look, I will not have you disparaging my deceased master. Qui-Gon Jinn was a great warrior.” (with great certainty)
“He was a wuss.” (nastily)
“I’ll have you know, Qui-Gon Jinn was tougher than any Sith. He once fought for two days with an arrow in his testicle.” (proudly)
“Really?” (interestedly)
“Yeah.” (triumphantly)
“How do you know?” (curiously)
“I, uh, erm, he told me.” (evasively)
“Master…” (wheedlingly)
“Okay, okay. I pulled it out.” (grudgingly)
“And…” (promptingly)
“And I kissed it better.” (confessionally)
“Would you do that for me?” (enquiringly)
“If you remained a Jedi. Yes.” (definitely)
“Do I have to get shot in the testicle with an arrow?” (spoiled bratishly)
“Erm… no. I think we could skip the arrow-through-the-testicle thing and go directly to the kissing-it-better part.” (not very reluctantly at all)
“Oh. Well, in that case, maybe I’ll stay a Jedi after all.” (still pondering all the options)
“Good.” (thankfully)
“But you’re it, right? That as far as it goes?” (worriedly)
“I suppose. If you wish. Until the initiation.” (calmly)
“Initiation?” (really worriedly)
“Yes, all Jedi must do Master Yoda during the initiation.” (matter-of-factly)
“The little green guy?” (shock)
“Yeah. It seems a bit squicky at first, but it’s not so bad. As it turns out, he’s really a talented little fellow.” (soothingly)
“Fuck that! If I go Sith, I get unlimited powers and groupies. And I don’t have to fuck a muppet!” (indignantly)
“Anakin, stop being a brat.” (sternly)
“I don’t want to do that part.” (petulantly)
“You can’t evade the initiation!” (severely)
“The hell I can’t!” (storms out)
And, thus, Darth Evader was born.
*ducks*
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